As I said on the main page my story has changed.  I will leave my original story, and the updated section will be in red text.  So the red text at the bottom is the updates...what I have gone through in the last year.  Enjoy.

It all started when I was almost 19 years old.  I am going to make this very shortened, but I will give my story of my pain killer addiction here.

I was in my apartment when we invited some friends over.  I was a pot head in these days, smoking 5-6 blunts a day.

One of my friends this night had a drug called oxycontin.  The first pain killer I ever did.  So he stuck the 80mg oxycontin in his mouth, rubbed off the greenish coting in his boxers, and broke me off a quarter (20mg).  He held a dollar bill over the 20mg piece of oxycontin and crushed it with his cell phone.  He then chopped it into one sniffable line with a credit card.

I rolled up a dollar bill and sniffed the 20mg piece of oxycontin and laid down on one of my couches.  5 minutes later I was feeling the best I have ever felt in my life.  My body felt like it was in heaven.  Almost like a floating feeling.  I was in the best mental state I have ever felt, the most lovable person in the world at the time.  My GOD I LOVED this feeling.

It's too bad that I have been chasing that feeling (the term chasing your first high) ever since.

Of course it felt great whenever I did it, but it never felt like that first time...and I learned to accept it never will.  Maybe close, but never the same.

Every time that that friend came over I would ask if he had a little piece of oxycontin for me.

I had my addiction "under control" for about a year or a year and a half.

It moved from oxycontin, to whatever kinds of opiates I could get my hands on...but only once or twice a week.

Oxycontin, percocets, roxicets, vicodins, dilaudin, or whatever kind of pain killer or opiate I could get my hands on...but only once or twice a week.

But it caught up to me, and it always does, even for those with the best self of control.

"Ahhh tonight's the big game so I'll just get an 80 for the game".

"Well I'm going to a family party so I want to be in a real good mood".

That turns into...

"Well going to this movie tonight would be so much better with some pain killers (or heroin, or whatever type of opiate it is you choose)".

"This video game would be so much more fun with an 80 or 100mg of percs, or a few roxies, or..."

Sound familiar?

Well no shit...everything is more fun when your on opiates!

20mg at a time turned into 60mg at a time.  20mg once a day turned into 80mg 3 times a day.

What the hell?...20mg use to BUCK me up and now 80mg barely does anything!  Damned tolerance!

After a point it wasn't even fun anymore.  When it finally caught up to me, I did it for one reason...WITHDRAWAL.  Or should I say to AVOID withdrawal.

Withdrawal from pain killers and opiates is probably one of the worst feelings in the world as many of you may know.  For those who have never been an opiate addict...they just don't get it.

So it got to a point where I was basically doing it every day, multiple times a day.  Then there were the days of hell where I could not find anything...hell!

Then of course there were the 1,001 times I tried to quit (literally) and the 1,001 and one reasons I had to just do pain killers and opiates "that one last time before I quit for good"...sound familiar?

I seen the best of friends go from doing over 400mg of oxycontin a day to doing over 40 bags of heroin a day.

From mommy and daddy buying them brand new cars, the poster child.  To kicked out of the house, homeless.  Stealing anything they can get their hands on.  But not for food or water...but for drugs above all else.

But this story is not about them so I won't go into that any further.

Luckily I am the type of person who has very good "self control".  Now I forget the word for it... but through all of this I was able to go to work every day, and act somewhat "normal".  I was able to hide my addiction..besides the people I did it with no one knew.

But it got to a point where it got so bad...I got so sick of withdrawaling and spending COUNTLESS amounts of money on drugs, that THIS TIME I was going to quit.

So I got on suboxone.

For a while I stayed clean (maybe a month or so).  Then I would go back and forth.  Do opiates and pain killers for a week and then do suboxone for a week. 

For those of you who don't know, suboxone eliminates withdrawal, and blocks and opiate you may take for around 24 hours.

Back and forth back and forth.

I even got sick of that...I was still spending a lot of money and I was still sick of doing drugs even "half the time".

When it comes down to it this is how I quit.

I went to rehab.  I stayed on suboxone.  I avoided my triggers (everyone has different triggers).  And the hardest part of all...I had to stay away from some very close friends.

But for those of you still stuck in this hell hole of an addiction...I can't explain enough how much better it feels to feel...NORMAL.  I feel GREAT being sober.

The first question many addicts ask me is...do you still phiene?

The answer is yes...but as time goes on you realize more and more how much drugs just destroy your life.

Now this was a very short version of my story of opiate addiction...but I think you all get the point and can relate to a LOT of my story.

I'm also sure that you will relate to a TON of other things that I say, or other addicts say on this site!

My story updated: May 4, 2008

Update! Update! Update!

The above story has not been updated in over a year and a lot has happen since then...so let me now continue my story.

Everything WAS going GREAT.  I was finally off the opiates and feeling great!  I was untouchable, NEVER going to use again, SO sure of it.  I been through relapse too many time and I was NOT going to do it again.

WRONG!

About couple months into my sobriety I got hit with some major triggers.  Basically people and places (and sex).  There is a girl that I have a history with that does opiates a lot.  I ran into her and what do you know, she had some on her.  I figured I'd do it just that one night so I could have a bunch of fun with her...just for that one night of course.

That night turned into a snowball effect of a downward spiral.  In a month I was worse than I had ever been.  That is when I figured it was time for something that I always told myself I would never do.  Methadone.

For those of you who do not know, Methadone is a legal opiate that you take once a day, made for opiate addiction.  It is strictly watched by a doctor, and your doses are very closely monitored.  You also get free counseling...it is like a whole program...they call it "the clinic".

I honestly was ALWAYS against methadone.  I said why the hell would anyone get on methadone.  It is the same thing as doing pills or heroin, but it is made ok because it is legal.

But it turned out much much different than I thought.  I have never been better since starting methadone.

I have now been on methadone for about 8 months, and I am 8 months clean.  Methadone basically makes you feel normal, and it blocks opiates.  I don't like how I have to still take something everyday to feel normal, but it is way better than what I was doing, and WAY cheaper.

Methadone has honestly saved my life.  It got so bad when I relapsed, I would have definitely died if it were not for methadone.  I don't think methadone is for everyone, because you can use it to manipulate the system, but for me it has totally saved my life.

That is where I am at now.  I am on methadone.  Since being on methadone I have not touched a single drug.  I haven't even had a sip of alcohol in 6 months.  I'm happy.  I have since started a very successful 6 figure a year business.  Methadone saved my life, no doubt about it!

And that is where I am at in my life right now!  I am on methadone, and doing GREAT!

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